Wednesday, April 18, 2007
" To never fall in love again. "
Seems someone thinks its funny to come to my blog and have fun being mr.mystery, well, having fun with your antics ? haha, im very amused .
Speech days on Friday, i actually won something, top for humanes ? Blahh, i worked for it, yet dont feel i deserve it.
I feel, kinda fucked as you can call it, its pissing me off, how stupid i have become, how selfish i am and how totally uncaring as a person i seem to be, yes, things have gone downhill.
The fact that no one seems to be there when you need a ear, a hug, a shoulder to fall asleep on or even to cry on. Pfft,
Why did you just leave like that ? i mean, i was totally shocked when that happened, i mean like, " wtf ? "
It was all too soon, and yet, we were doing great, i mean, tats how i felt emotionally, yet, you didnt ?
What did i do wrong ? what did i do that made you ponder that decision ? fuck.
Sitting in that hall today, just watching you, i smile, make a face, and i know deep in my heart, it will never be the same again, sigh,
You think im a playboy ? no, fuck that, im just feeling that i need to be loved as i hate the feeling of being alone, it sucks, all my life, shit happens, and picking up my shit, i move on, again and again.
Mishap after mishap,
And today im sad, thinking bout you now hurts, as i still do remember those times we'd joke and just go plain crazy just by talking and playing. bahh, never have i felt so happy, i mean, come on.
You were a part of my World, and i just wished i was a part of yours, even now, do you even think bout me anymore? it seems you were happy with the outcome of things, that you were doing fine this 1 month, you said it was for the best, and yet i dont get a say in this ?
i cant help but feel sad and disappointed, cause you were always the one there, pulling me up, cheering me up, making a moody guy like me smile.
and after a month, why the fuck cant i let go ? you honestly wana know ? because im fucked up, insecure and a piss to be with, that is why i need you again, fuck yeah, i said it, go ahead and burn me down again, screw BBF, its just a reason for me to feel alone and left out again,
im starting to realize, only when im alone in this world, does a white man like me finaly start to fucking think, and realize, im the real loser on this earth, its bitched, fuck.
thats all i wanted to ask, WHY ? Why ? why. and what happened to the promise i made you ? " id hug and never let go. " i didnt did i ? you left me, and with a shock of words, i had to do the same, sigh. how i wish one gave me a second chance to say " no, i want to talk it through, i want to make things right, for us, for you, i want you to be happy, but i want to be the source of it. "
shit shit, im going overboard, im gonna be swept away again, i know i was the bitch, the fucker, the selfish prick in this, but i want to make it right, i cant, cant, cant if you just block me off again. No, i dont think its for the better, because its tearing me apart,
i dont need to remember those times when we were alone together, all i want to remember is the times i sent you home, go out of the way to pick you up, the times when we were down, tired after school and we would cheer ourselves up, sigh. the times we cared, for eachother, ..
im stopping here, because, im starting to feel overwhelmed, fuck this, fuck it all .
*AWOL
i just want you to know who i am;
12:33 AM
