Monday, August 11, 2008
" tis heartshache tis khhiillingggzszzszzzz mois ):
What can I say, things look out of hand even as we speak. Classical examples;
Has one ever begun to imagine looking at someone, being dragged across the room like a rag doll, beaten blue black, spat and cursed upon, let alone is made to beg for money just to go get groceries for the family? This may all seem part of an insert from a inhumane horror story, but yes, reality is capable of portraying such plays of life.
Another thing, ever seen two people, happy, blissful, in love and within seconds, things can get rather ugly when a word or two gets off track, thus the love and feelings all turn to yelling, screaming of profanities far beyond the grave and the cowardly idea of suicide and running away from it all.
Likewise, welcome to my life.
This may all seem like a rage post, a place where justin can unleash his so-called feelings of misunderstoodness and plagued with such scenarios that will forever haunt me.
It seems easy to say thatm yes, I would just have to remain strong as this whole event will just boil over in no time, but what if this has been happening for the past 12 years?; And you were that one little soul to have witnessed such a horrific act, caused by your hero, your champ, your dad?
Meh, its really fine tho, no one shall ever understand the feelings that have been drilled into me over all these ears, yes, I know Amanda you are here to help and all, but it kinda hurts to know that you such even suggest that I am over-reacting, when this is happening even now as I write this post ..
How does one help to intervene and help the ones you love, when you seem all alone?; When all hope is gone?; When society fails you, when feelings and love betrays you.
On to another topic,
Im really happy to have had that oppurtunity to deliver your handphone to your window, it was a funny scenario, where I saw myself charging down 10 stories in fear of being seen or caught, especially like a fool was lost between both blocks of flats with exactly the same block numbers, without a single defination of 'a' or 'b' .
Ha, yeah, quarrelling is 'healty' when it comes to relationships, but why should we be doing it when all we complain about is not being part of each others lives, when we are right there, arguing face to face? It feels silly, it feels contradictive.
I too can hardly imagine the whole idea of losing you, i mean, within 5 days, 27 months is a really long time, but that aside, who cares even if we last 50 years?; If we dont even continue making that effort for each other, it will not help in anyway really.
Still, im flattered you think of me in that way, I read your blog not to worry, I am really touched, and yes, I do assure you in this time of stress and confusion that I am going through, I will be strong, i will be your S.N.A.G, i will be your everything, i will not falter in anyway, nor change how i treat you, i feel im doing my best for you, in the little things I do and more, please notice it, baby.
To end this insanely long post, im just going to blurt out, thinking and articulating it in the best way i can..
I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!
<3 you neh neh!
i just want you to know who i am;
5:19 AM
