// Limp Till The Day That I Find Myself

pfft

2008-09-11T09:16:00.001-07:00

I like songs, i really do, they say it all.

2 weeks 4 days done, 1 to go.

if by any strange chance you may be reading this, fuck you, you know what you are doing in the ward( rather, not doing ) fuck you for playing with peoples lives, trend in TPRBP is so important, and u can fucking slack off it for 2 days.

Bah, rough days, rough times, just make it go away.

Snuff

Bury all your secrets in my skin
Come away with innocence, and leave me with my sins
The air around me still feels like a cage
And love is just a camouflage for what resembles rage again...

So if you love me, let me go. And run away before I know.
My heart is just too dark to care. I can't destroy what isn't there.
Deliver me into my Fate - If I'm alone I cannot hate
I don't deserve to have you...
My smile was taken long ago / If I can change I hope I never know

I still press your letters to my lips
And cherish them in parts of me that savor every kiss
I couldn't face a life without your light
But all of that was ripped apart... when you refused to fight

So save your breath, I will not hear. I think I made it very clear.
You couldn't hate enough to love. Is that supposed to be enough?
I only wish you weren't my friend. Then I could hurt you in the end.
I never claimed to be a Saint...
My own was banished long ago / It took the
Death of Hope to let you go

So Break Yourself Against My Stones
And Spit Your Pity In My Soul
You Never Needed Any Help
You Sold Me Out To Save Yourself
And I Won't Listen To Your Shame
You Ran Away - You're All The Same
Angels Lie To Keep Control...
My Love Was Punished Long Ago
If You Still Care, Don't Ever Let Me Know
If you still care, don't ever let me know...

this is for long, forgotten.

2008-08-31T00:35:00.000-07:00

The Islander

An old man by a seashore
At the end of day
Gazes the horizon
With seawinds in his face
Tempest-tossed island
Seasons all the same
Anchorage unpainted
And a ship without a name

Sea without a shore for the banished one unheard
He lightens the beacon, light at the end of world
Showing the way lighting hope in their hearts
The ones on their travels homeward from afar

This is for long-forgotten
Light at the end of the world
Horizon crying
The tears he left behind long ago

The albatross is flying
Making him daydream
The time before he became
One of the world`s unseen
Princess in the tower
Children in the fields
Life gave him it all:
An island of the universe

Now his love`s a memory
A ghost in the fog
He sets the sails one last time
Saying farewell to the world
Anchor to the water
Seabed far below
Grass still in his feet
And a smile beneath his brow

This is for long-forgotten
Light at the end of the world
Horizon crying
The tears he left behind so long ago

27

2008-08-16T07:07:00.000-07:00

" Sleep is for the smart, not the weak.

Its been a few days of sleepless nights due to last minute cramming for my 2 papers, FON and AAP, feel kinda good about myself somehow, I was able to do the papers with only a few hiccups here and there.

Its been a rather bumpy roller coaster like experience i must say, the ups, the downs, the super happy speedy fun time and the slow dull period of lonliness.

Either way, im very happy to exclaim that, I still do Love you for who we are, after being molded these 27 months, yeah, I guess the future cannot be predicted, let things take their course, but dont you think, it would be so cool, if we were given that chance ( insert crazy dream here )

Haha, I amaze myself, what kind of person I seem to be at times, i guess you can call me gullible, weak, expectant, a leech for emotions. Rawr, to add, i nag at myself and onto others too :( Im sorry.

P.S.

To my one and only love, remember all that has happened today and the months and days before it, cherish these moments, as I will do onto you, I really do love you and gosh am I missing YOU already, im missing your warmth, your shine, and know that no one else can replace you, no one.

<3 baby/neh neh/sweetie/honey hon/cherry pie !

Just A Little Moar Luv!

2008-08-11T05:19:00.000-07:00

" tis heartshache tis khhiillingggzszzszzzz mois ):

What can I say, things look out of hand even as we speak. Classical examples;

Has one ever begun to imagine looking at someone, being dragged across the room like a rag doll, beaten blue black, spat and cursed upon, let alone is made to beg for money just to go get groceries for the family? This may all seem part of an insert from a inhumane horror story, but yes, reality is capable of portraying such plays of life.

Another thing, ever seen two people, happy, blissful, in love and within seconds, things can get rather ugly when a word or two gets off track, thus the love and feelings all turn to yelling, screaming of profanities far beyond the grave and the cowardly idea of suicide and running away from it all.

Likewise, welcome to my life.

This may all seem like a rage post, a place where justin can unleash his so-called feelings of misunderstoodness and plagued with such scenarios that will forever haunt me.

It seems easy to say thatm yes, I would just have to remain strong as this whole event will just boil over in no time, but what if this has been happening for the past 12 years?; And you were that one little soul to have witnessed such a horrific act, caused by your hero, your champ, your dad?

Meh, its really fine tho, no one shall ever understand the feelings that have been drilled into me over all these ears, yes, I know Amanda you are here to help and all, but it kinda hurts to know that you such even suggest that I am over-reacting, when this is happening even now as I write this post ..

How does one help to intervene and help the ones you love, when you seem all alone?; When all hope is gone?; When society fails you, when feelings and love betrays you.

On to another topic,

Im really happy to have had that oppurtunity to deliver your handphone to your window, it was a funny scenario, where I saw myself charging down 10 stories in fear of being seen or caught, especially like a fool was lost between both blocks of flats with exactly the same block numbers, without a single defination of 'a' or 'b' .

Ha, yeah, quarrelling is 'healty' when it comes to relationships, but why should we be doing it when all we complain about is not being part of each others lives, when we are right there, arguing face to face? It feels silly, it feels contradictive.

I too can hardly imagine the whole idea of losing you, i mean, within 5 days, 27 months is a really long time, but that aside, who cares even if we last 50 years?; If we dont even continue making that effort for each other, it will not help in anyway really.

Still, im flattered you think of me in that way, I read your blog not to worry, I am really touched, and yes, I do assure you in this time of stress and confusion that I am going through, I will be strong, i will be your S.N.A.G, i will be your everything, i will not falter in anyway, nor change how i treat you, i feel im doing my best for you, in the little things I do and more, please notice it, baby.

To end this insanely long post, im just going to blurt out, thinking and articulating it in the best way i can..

I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!!!!

<3 you neh neh!

Rage Moar!!

2008-08-07T06:54:00.000-07:00

" Rage moar! Its good for the bi-rythms!!

Meh, been kinda busy, swamped with studying, school and all projects finally finished yesterday.

Nothing really interesting has happened, so yeah, what else should I say? :/

No 1: Things look pretty good so far, not failing, yet!
No 2: I just got dc'ed from a dota game (and I know i should be studying)
No 3: Im in love still with youuu! xD

2008-07-14T12:41:00.000-07:00

" As Tears Would Fall And Crash Around Me

Its been many days since i've blogged really, to cut it short and sweet, point form ftw!

- Schools great, just done my Thousand word essay and submitted it on time, thanks Clifford, Song Heng(You jolly well know why)

- Life is amazing when taken positively and not considering and by just ignoring all the backstabbings and hate being spat around.

- And you, Oh baby, you make my life, awesome!! Amanda has been great, we both now really feel and love the way we did way before, just by simple gestures, cookies, goodies and lovely letters kept this going and yet, in just one day, its our 26th Month together, to think we've come this far.

But im never regretting a single thing that has happened or i've done to this moment, its been, amazing. (:

2008-06-30T07:23:00.001-07:00

" I've Seen, My Family Fade Away .

It sucks really, this holiday.

The first week was great, people were free, things could be arranged and done.
Altough yeah, feels great that the guys were over when Spain won.( wuuwoo )
But its starting to feel so dry and lonely, I mean, most of the guys and girls are back at school, and here I am, hoping that someone would yield and accompany me through my last week of Hols.

Pfft, things are never the same everywhere, the people, the buildings, the feelings.
It just feels very jolting to find out that, although people change, its really because of their own personal choices that allows that change to come by, yeah, sad reality of life really.

I hate having to lie to people saying im fine, its rubbish, im rotting slowly and yet I myself barely realize it, im just putting it behind me, not knowing how much its killing me.

This emptiness, really, make it go away darling, make it.

2008-06-28T08:13:00.000-07:00

" G, Fucking, G .

Well, the last few days were Nuff said, Amazing, but. yeah. fuck.

If you're reading this, hope you are too.

I don't know what came over me, I don't know why it happened, I don't ever want to do that again, not now, never.

It was inhuman, ungentlemanly, a breach of a conduct, a big foot out of line, sigh.

I'm lost without you, really I am, I want to be there again, your friend who'd you tell anything and everything to, I hate being kept in the dark,

and well, being, alone .

2008-06-21T09:18:00.000-07:00

" I Love It When You Call .

Nuff Said, This Song Says All .

Avenged Sevenfold Lyrics
Dear God Lyrics

Im feeling, well really lucky, yet learning to change I guess.

Maybe you're right, I have to be more independant, when it involves company.
Does that include becoming a loner? Yet again like way before secondary school?

A Sad, Miserable, Abused Kid, Without love, showered with compliments in Track and Field, About my grades, My looks and physique .
Yet, like you said, that empty feeling, about whether I will ever be cherised and appreciated by anyone.

I guess, that feeling led to my downward spiral through life, in a way.

Now I stand up, look around, walk to the mirror, yet I wonder, " What am I today ? "
Sigh, there, ive said it.

Label me an emo, a queer, a fag, white man, whatever the holy fuck you want, but I am proud of what I have become, what I was moulded to be, this "thing" will one day be someone to help others, to be there for people, I choose not to believe in Karma, though it has been unkind to me, though I should so called, return the favours bestowed upon me, it will never be fair, to do all that again to hurt.

Man, this feels good, this feeling of self-realization, but really only thanks to you, I shall be something for you, to others, to myself, just that, yes, time gives me more time to think what I shall ever become.

To end off really. I'd Love To Carry On, Give me That Reason To Do So, Though You already Have, Take A Little Time For me, For Others.

Yours Lovingly,

Justin xoxo

2008-06-16T09:10:00.000-07:00

"And So, Another Beginning.

Shan't elaborate too much but basically, the jist of things.

1) I've been having an amazing time in my life, with this attachment, its opening my eyes, a lot more then it should. Thank you for the oppurtunity again, God .

2) Its been great, being around different people, different emotions, reactions,
I do hope you improve, Aloycious from Np, that is situated with us at Hougang clinic, liven up buddy, no ones gonna eat you.

3) Lastly, I'd like to thank,

You, the one, special person, I'd gladly hold so dear to my heart, its amazing this journey we've had, well, not over these 25 months, but rather, the most difficult month we've ever faced with each other .

' Thank you, for holding on to me when i want to let go. '

These words you tell me, it hurts to know that reality, but it feels so much better knowing, im worth something in this life, this world, at least to someone.

I know this is special, but I cant dare say, the future will be as kind as it has always been, but I just hope it will continue, that Everything, will fall into place, slowly, but surely.

Its time for bed, im a day late in this post anyway, as about 1/2 an hour ago, it was our special day, and let it remain that way, from now, till whenever its time.

2008-06-12T07:20:00.000-07:00

" The Magic Number

Woke up extremely late today, yet still was able to make it to Serangoon before 8.30.
Was rather dry, the talks, orientation, i developed a little bit of " selective consciousness " , Where I slep during talks, and wake up for tea breaks.

Then came Bingo, was really fun, watching tons of Elderly get excited when they win, and getting awarded with biscuits and random assortments of goodies. haha.
My old-folk won, but we ran out of gifts after many rounds :<

Can't wait for tomorrow, you're finally coming, it's been awhile dear, really it has, i enjoy it when you pick me up from areas, i like that support. Heh.

Its the weekends, woot, and yet, another 1 week left before im free again for my "official" holiday. Have a Good night people!

2008-06-11T07:18:00.000-07:00

" How Sad You Are .

Truly, a few more discoveries have been made.

Deleted the obsene tags, apparently there are a few Amanda's out there, or at least want to be that Amanda I'm in love with, Sorry I will never want to be with someone who will go great lengths to grasp my attention.

Anyway, went to the Hpb today, was real fun, especially with Honkees and random nonsense coming from the group.

Justin: ' Neesha, what sound is made when a car hits a malay woman? '
Neesha: ' What? '
Justin: ' Tudong! '
Neesha:' Eh, then Justin, what sound is made when a Chinese drops breakables like glass and porcelean?
Justin: 'I dunno, what? '
Neesha: ' Cheena '
Justin: ' O_O '

Nontheless fun, and we only could pull 280kg against the sumo wrestler, set a new record too .
Ate at Lj's, Azuan apparently he works there, so we got tons of free food and cheese.
Aileen's got beer, she should know why too, although she doesnt enjoy it.

Anyway, gotta head to bed, only 7 days left of attachment, full steam !

P.s I love you, and, to those out there, you know who you are,

Take a look in the mirror, look at yourself, how old are you? Are your parents proud of what you've become? Are you happy with what you do? And on what you do to inflict discomfot and annoyance on others? Is it all worth it? Just for that little bit of attention?

Reflect, be nice, its not that hard, just, well, Grow up.

2008-06-10T11:56:00.000-07:00

" I am definetly, impressed.

Wow, the lengths people can go to, just to ridicule themselves.

An example, the sad, depressive person, craving attention on my tag board, Named " you're dumb justin " just scroll down my tagboard and notice such creative and intellectual words writen to try and flame me in a way i do not understand, and yet , messes up in his/her own pool of deceit. Tsk Tsk, Grow up please?

Anyway, watched Kung Fu Panda, awesome show, love the way it all points back to our dear Friend -> Chua Song Heng

No, I am 'The' big,fat Panda "

Would update more, but it is kinda late.

Just trust me on this one, no pressure intended.

To Amanda : im sure the **** is date huh ? xD Im all yours baby~!

.

2008-06-08T08:10:00.000-07:00

" You Crazy what

One of the biggest burgers of my life, was consumed today at Botak Jones, 3 patties of well slaughtered Cow, streaks of Bacon, Layer upon layer of Cheese, Tear-Ladden Onions and 2 Buns.
Ended up palming the burger while eating it as it was already falling to pieces.

So the guys and I went out today, had a jug of San Miguel and Strawberry Magherita, it was you can call it " damn good" .
Howen ate his " Incomprehensable Fries " as well as some other nonsense that came out of my already filled mouth, can't remember, must have been the burger, oh, " the tribe has spoken "

More outings please, we all need our little get aways, heh, sorry baby that I was grumpy today, that Casuarina guy was totally uncalled for.
CA's start tml, im gonna have as much fun as I can, not mocking my wards and patients that is, ha, Hope my baby feels better, it hurts to see us like that sometimes.

Just remember my sms baby, I mean it. Till another day!

" How I miss someone to hold, when hope begins to fade .

" It's already been a year into this.

2008-06-07T06:25:00.001-07:00

Ah. the wonders of life.

In case everyone didn't know, my family adopted a little girl from the Philiphines to join our already large family, well, really because my mum loves girls, and not me and my brother apparently.

Had her birthday celebration today, she was a star, and still can hear her cooing from downstairs.
Home-made Pizza of assorted flavours, Hot Dogs, Otah and tons more, even I am stuffed,
oh, the wine + beer didnt help either, feeling so bloated.

Self-realization has been made today, " Curtis, I think im fat, all I do is stay at home and glue to the computer. " " Well, you dont exercise anymore, and you're a year late in noticing "

Sigh, I am gaining weight, and around my tummy too, remembering when i had ab's was a long time ago, im feeling so lousy now, haha.
On that subject, Amanda is now Ms.Fit, and I must be Mr.Fat :<

Heh, gonna meet her tml, and hopefully exercise will once again be incorporated into my life.

" Its leet, super sensitive, and i got it today. Eddie, you talking bout the girl or the new mouse? "

Ciao for now, Brewski tml, I must go and drink to get fat so I can die happy :D

" Quick Sir, Run And Tell

2008-06-03T08:08:00.000-07:00

Hmm, had a great day today, felt like a television program, " Cooking With Amanda and Justin " , Made our lunch, was pretty simple and mundane tho ( Cheese Toast and Maple Syrup ) .

Munched on fried rice too, and then we went to Queensway to get her court shoes.
Ah, Women, can never make up their minds, but we put up with it, well, barely.
Went to school for classes, tests soon and my CA !

Well, sleep it is, more interesting things to happen, in due time.

Back In Black

2008-06-02T07:25:00.000-07:00

Hey all, im quite sure all the readers have gone by now, especially after a long year of not blogging.

Anyway, too much to say at the moment, all i know is that, well, a quick summary of whats going on:

In Ngee Ann, Health Sciences Nursing :D

Still With my baby of 2 years, and intending to go for much much more, I love you much much Darling (:

Loving School Life, Friends and Family Alike .

Anywho, just ended school, was pretty short, except for the lovely NSL make up class we had to attend due to holidays clashing with classes.

Were taught oral care, and how to wash and " massage the scalp " ( loved it )

Meh, enough to bore you yes? Of course, still getting used to those attention grabbing posts im supposed to be writing for you all, so yeah.

Hang on baby, We've a long way to go, don't be scared or irritated, all of this will pass soon enough.

" And I'd want you, here tonight, and i need you, by my side, for just one more moment, for just, one more moment with you.

2007-06-18T05:27:00.000-07:00

" Under the sun "

Another Week at the beach, well.

It rained when we arrived, countless people huddled under the shelter looking glumly at the rain pelting down on Sentosa.

But would we stand and wait, Nah, we changed and ran to siloso beach despite the rain and we went on to play soccer and fool about the beach as part of our day.

Swimming was good too, salt water tastes good.

Not to mention that the Sun didnt show its face the entire day, it still was a fun outing.

Went to vivo to slack around, then we headed back.

Howen. Panda and Ed came over after my Fathers Day Party at my place, and they were surprised to see my face and shoulders red, i mean seriously, how do you get Sun Burnt when there was no sun, LOL.

Real 3, other team 1, Grats Madrid on Title.

Bummed around the whole day today, other than my Flyers job, sigh.

Schools in a week, gotta keep my head where its supposed to be For my O's .

Cheers .

2007-06-10T17:28:00.000-07:00

" And do you really know what its like ? "

Woah~ Siloso beach weren't expecting us so late yesterday, lol, nontheless, great success on it.

We Soccered, Swam, Rugbied and found a nice ball picking labrador ( you get what i mean eh ? ) .
Hope we can go more often, was really fun as most of the fun guys were there, yup, more please !

so anyway, hope to catch ya guys again soon, gonna go deliver some flyers. X.X

Ilu Honey! :D

2007-05-22T06:26:00.000-07:00

"Dont Resent me, when you're feeling empty, Just leave out all the rest"

Since yesterday, i've felt so great, changed you can say.

Studying . Yep, im starting to do so yet again, and im liking it, instead of just drooling mindlessly at the rectangular screen of my laptop.

2 Hrs a day- Feels alien to me, seems like nothing at all, but i've decided to condition myself to do this, It seems to help nevertheless.

Adrian, you're doing wonders, even though i've only been to 2 lessons, haha, you make me want to study, wierd, ha, also looking at the poster he put up of his students last year, All my mates, doing well, very inspirational.

And thank you Eddie, Benja, Jessyln And Phylis ( idk how to spell X.X ) for accompanying me so far in this, ha, you guys have made it fun so far, lets continue at it :D

Anyway, gonna go make my last hour or so worth while, gonna go play some WoW . Rawr !

Aww, btw, so disappointing the new LP album . only 3 songs likeable so far :(

2007-05-15T07:52:00.000-07:00

" I Want You Bad "

Dam, i must suck, havent blogged in 2 weeks.

So much has happened, yet i just cant ay, so lets summarise things.

Messed up my mid-year so so bad, super bad, i wouldnt even go to ITE if it were my o'Levels. -_-

Got a new cat, called her " Scratch" well, because she has sharp claws and scratches everthing, my hand got cut today by her, aww. but shes adorable, need a camera to post her on the blog.

And yet my older male cat, " Kitty" is not too pleased with her, he has been hissing at her aggressively, so mean :(

So much more has happened, wont go into detail, not even sure anyone reads anymore, hehe, haven't been active, whos to blame but me . hehe.

" just a little more love " 1 hr to a year that we would have been together ... hehe, hope ya remember as I do, or if ya still care. Roar. I guess I still need to be alone, my Studies > everything now, im gonna so screw O's at the rate im going . Cheers. maybe ill go to Aussie Land to study or smt (:

School again tml, hope its fun as always, and also Mr.Adrians Tuition, Buck me up Mate ! :D

" It's Gonna Rain ~ "

2007-05-01T04:23:00.000-07:00

" wdf "

Mayday, Holiday, Study day, MYE is alright, only maths was a bit more difficult than Ms.Wangs Teachings, anyway, Paper.2 tml and History, yay.

Still ill, coughing's gone down at least, medication helps.

And still, i find that, Friends are the No.1 Thing you can have on this earth, and the rest are just a waste of time, dont bother to waste your time on those that dont deserve the attention.

2007-04-27T06:52:00.000-07:00

" (sic) "

Im feeling sick, its really bad, blahh.

I just need to rest, my minds ablaze. mm, i just want to drift my way back to you.

Maths,sciences,Art, Com, Humans, so little left till it may finaly happen .

Gnite.

" And time, keeps, Slipping away, and time will, turn to grey, and time will be the one who lets you down. "

2007-04-23T04:46:00.000-07:00

" Where the hell am i ? "

im, so, lost ?

blahh, anyway, nothing much has been happening, only good food, company and friends. Hmm.

And yet, im so lost, sian if u call it. zZ

Yet i know, im just gonna let things drift along, and see where i end up in too, because i do want to make this work, yet i dont know how.

*Drifting . ./plop

2007-04-18T00:33:00.000-07:00

" To never fall in love again. "

Seems someone thinks its funny to come to my blog and have fun being mr.mystery, well, having fun with your antics ? haha, im very amused .

Speech days on Friday, i actually won something, top for humanes ? Blahh, i worked for it, yet dont feel i deserve it.

I feel, kinda fucked as you can call it, its pissing me off, how stupid i have become, how selfish i am and how totally uncaring as a person i seem to be, yes, things have gone downhill.

The fact that no one seems to be there when you need a ear, a hug, a shoulder to fall asleep on or even to cry on. Pfft,

Why did you just leave like that ? i mean, i was totally shocked when that happened, i mean like, " wtf ? "

It was all too soon, and yet, we were doing great, i mean, tats how i felt emotionally, yet, you didnt ?

What did i do wrong ? what did i do that made you ponder that decision ? fuck.
Sitting in that hall today, just watching you, i smile, make a face, and i know deep in my heart, it will never be the same again, sigh,

You think im a playboy ? no, fuck that, im just feeling that i need to be loved as i hate the feeling of being alone, it sucks, all my life, shit happens, and picking up my shit, i move on, again and again.

Mishap after mishap,

And today im sad, thinking bout you now hurts, as i still do remember those times we'd joke and just go plain crazy just by talking and playing. bahh, never have i felt so happy, i mean, come on.

You were a part of my World, and i just wished i was a part of yours, even now, do you even think bout me anymore? it seems you were happy with the outcome of things, that you were doing fine this 1 month, you said it was for the best, and yet i dont get a say in this ?

i cant help but feel sad and disappointed, cause you were always the one there, pulling me up, cheering me up, making a moody guy like me smile.

and after a month, why the fuck cant i let go ? you honestly wana know ? because im fucked up, insecure and a piss to be with, that is why i need you again, fuck yeah, i said it, go ahead and burn me down again, screw BBF, its just a reason for me to feel alone and left out again,

im starting to realize, only when im alone in this world, does a white man like me finaly start to fucking think, and realize, im the real loser on this earth, its bitched, fuck.

thats all i wanted to ask, WHY ? Why ? why. and what happened to the promise i made you ? " id hug and never let go. " i didnt did i ? you left me, and with a shock of words, i had to do the same, sigh. how i wish one gave me a second chance to say " no, i want to talk it through, i want to make things right, for us, for you, i want you to be happy, but i want to be the source of it. "

shit shit, im going overboard, im gonna be swept away again, i know i was the bitch, the fucker, the selfish prick in this, but i want to make it right, i cant, cant, cant if you just block me off again. No, i dont think its for the better, because its tearing me apart,

i dont need to remember those times when we were alone together, all i want to remember is the times i sent you home, go out of the way to pick you up, the times when we were down, tired after school and we would cheer ourselves up, sigh. the times we cared, for eachother, ..

im stopping here, because, im starting to feel overwhelmed, fuck this, fuck it all .

*AWOL

2007-04-14T09:44:00.000-07:00

" I would stop time to be with you, I would stop time so we dont move, I would stop time to keep you "

Hmm, a bit late and long to post, but oh well *shrug

Did mostly nothing this week, school, home, sick, school, roar. so routine.
Went to la n at least once on Friday, haha, House of the Dead 3 is dam fun, esp if you're screaming while shooting fat-song heng like zombies and demon monkeys and endless ammo . lol

Hmm, i dunno how you're feeling now, but hope you're ok (: im trying my best to still treat you as a friend, even though what has happened, I'll still bug you when given the oppurtunity :D haha, pardon me nehneh !

" Why dont you hear me when im calling out to you, why dont you listen when I try to make it through "

And my dear dear dear darl. roar, so many dears, not hunting for anything no more =X ,

Thanks for being there when i was down, feeling like crap and yet you still put up with my nonsense, feel happy, roar.
Hope you settle in school ok, im sure you'll enjoy it, and to all my friends starting Poly too. Dont get expelled TOO fast yeah ? roar.

I cant take my eyes of you, good night =) *hugs you to sleep then pulls over the covers. then wanders off to dreamworld to meet you. (: haha, imagination is good, thanks Barney & Friends. lol. =p

2007-04-11T05:25:00.000-07:00

" Firefly, could you shine your light, now i love your ways, cause they're just like mine. "

Mmm, things seem better for me, hopefully you also :( im sorry if i caused so much problems.
If you really want a friendship, well, Nehneh ! roar. !

And then again, im feeling pretty happy, ask me why, and i will tell you that im just happy! haha

1 week and running, mm, though today seemed silly, roar, im much worse, blah blah ! haha (:

" Now im justified as I fall in line, and its hard to try when they are open wide. "

2007-04-08T05:06:00.000-07:00

" All that i wanted, the things i've had before,
All that i needed, i never needed more,
All of my questions, were answers to my sins,
All of my endings, are waiting to begin . "

Again my friends came over to my place, 4 nights in a row. blahh, tired tired.

Sorry Sang for suaning ya, lol, didnt need to punch me =/

I miss you, i really do, when can i see you again ? =(

Then again, when i saw the other you, well, i melted yet again, why ?

What if .

I wish this all were still ok, we were still happy, smiling, crapping around, me and my lame jokes, what if .

Or what if.

I never met you, i never knew you'd exist, that you just part of the spectators in the stands just like all the others, and i would never be writing this post, What if.

I feel stupid for what i did, or for whatever wrong ive caused. What if.

I never want to give it another go, because, yes, i have moved on, from this fullstop onwards, dont stop me, dont revive me, dont even try

because ive already forgotten you .

and yet, it is hard to say goodbye, it is hard to forget, but before i forget, i will remember the song we both enjoyed together, the song which i used to actually make myself feel better when things seemed bad, the song we used to sing

" and i want you here tonight and i need you by my side for just one, more, moment, for just one more moment, with you . "

2007-04-06T09:38:00.000-07:00

" Savin Me, Heavens Gates wont open up for me "

Lets see,

Pool, lan, Al Amien Eating house x3 nights = burn* $$$$

Roar, im getting broke, and sleepy, no rest hurts my growth. =(

Anyway, Good Friday today, went church and got 2 non-churchgoers to come, haha, they go church twice a year =p

Mmm, anyway, need sleep, so so tired, hah,

And i want you here tonight and i need you, by my side, for just one more moment, for just one more moment with you.

2007-04-04T05:57:00.000-07:00

" Dont waste your time on me, honey you're already the voice inside my head, But i miss you miss you, Hello there ! "

Roar, today today today, blahh, kinda happy and bouncy ( what was in the pasta =XX )

Anyway, got to school on time, but Mr,SuBRA found a good excuse to scold me for nothing( bad excuse in my opinion ) blahh, school continued as normal with my Nerdy specs, got a lot of stares but i likee. haha. im mad, shoot me !

Im a man-eating monk, Roar, im big,bald and i eat men, Roar Roar Roar !

Wrote a really crappy letter today( at least it was greenish ) though i did like the heart i drew, hmmm.

Anyway, Soccer tonight, go go ! haha, byee !

Mmm, today was funn ! roar, we need more time like that, thank Goodness no rain, shine shine shine, just like you and remember,

Mosquitoes only like girls with sweet sweet blood, they dont like boys like me with yucky vile Ang moh blood, roar, random thinking,

Mmm, 04/04/07 ! roar !

2007-04-03T06:00:00.000-07:00

" Here by my side, its my Summer, My Last Summer "

blahh, woke up, late again, nagged at by mum/teachers.
Stared at the pouring rain and sleepy classmates all day ~ roar, i need a more interesting life.

Came home, nagnagnag /ignore mum. blahh blahh blahh. sad day, although the thought of going out tml does seem enlightening.

*stares at the mirror, " i hate my stupid hair "

roar, nothing better to do but sleep. mm. let me know where tml k ? looking forward to the sleep that will make me feel better(:

MOO! (: <3>

2007-04-02T03:24:00.000-07:00

" And Heaven knows that without you is how i disappear "

Phew, thank God, i was so crazy last night, i thought i was going mad, mmmmmm.

Thanks to those i talked to that made me feel better, Papa( my dad ) .

Ill always remember what he said, and i guess theres nothing to deny that fact. " If you fuck up, pick up all your shit, and move on with life"

Howen Surprised the rest by coming back early, me Chia and noch went to the Airport at 8am to get him, an we all called him before he arrived sayig that we were late, ha, i told ya id come mate ( had to skip school, shit )

Went down to Casuarina roar to drop him off, then we went to surprise the rest. Everyone was taken aback, as he was supposed to come back a lot later, he and his Maple Story boxers. lolz

They are all meeting tonight for dinner at Chomp Chomp or some other place, i wish i could go, but school. fug.

thank you, even though its all over and past, i wish the best for you.

And you, thanks for letting me rant and vomit everything out, hope i cleaned it up properly, mm, i need you here, make me smile again, make me laugh again, and yeahh, i will do the same, Take care. Moo! & Bahh!

2007-04-01T05:14:00.000-07:00

" Dont ask, Dont tell "

Why, after so long, do i still feel like im the most misunderstood/fucked/hated/sadest person on this earth, i dont even feel like an emo, but like a loser.

Fuck this shit, i dont deserve any of this . what do i do wrong to not be able to taste the sweet fruits of success.

"God has a plan for all of us"

Whoever said that is probably retarded, and got sheltered from every single misfortune that befell from Hell.

Wiat till one leads my life, it may seem great ? I got a home, i got money, i got friends, i got girls that want me , i got people that wish they had my life, but let me tell you this, U must be fucking insane to want to be me.

I DONT EVEN FUCKING KNOW WHAT BUGS ME, MAKE S ME MOVE, WADS MY INSPIRATION WHO THE HELL GOD IS AND BEST OF ALL, WHAT MAKES ME BREATH EVEN THROUGH ALL OF THIS NONSENSICAL LIFE I LIVE.

Im still wondering why im alive, i odnt even know. Fuck this Fuck everybody, id rather go insane, lock me up in Woodbridge, im fucking crazy, fuck u fuck u,

U want to cry, yet i cant, no tears come out, because what makes me sad ? i dont even know. why am i so emotional yet cant be when i want to let it all out,

Try and fix me, bring me to fucking psyciatrits, doctors, discipline me, punish me, destroy me, just let me be like normal people, please, just 1 fucking day. .

2007-03-31T22:36:00.000-07:00

" If i could be sweet, id recreate this place as my own world. "

The guys came over last night, Panda, ash and ed, ha.

Dota all night and the crazy soccer scores we saw at Ashelys house, that fugger is rich la, Tv was bigger than me.

And the 7k$ massage chair got me so high ! roar. was really nice and relaxing la.

Manu 4-1 Blackburn, very nice 2nd half. Liverpool 4-1 Arsenal, Better Crotch =D ( Wad a sick name ) Haha even Blackburns TuGAY ! lol.

Crashed at my place, called Macs at like 2am to get food, and asked for tons of sauce, luckily no mess for me.

Mmm, doing art now, such a nice subject yet requires so much time and effort =(

"I wana get away, to our sweet escape./ "

2007-03-30T08:53:00.000-07:00

" Id give my heart to you, Id give my Heart, cause nothing can compare in this world to You, Woahh "

Same old, school, home, Msn chats ( Yayy ! ) haha.

Watched TMNT today, man, good graphics, ok plot, but bad ending, and not as much fight scenes as hoped for, oh well *shrug

Went for Penitential service today, goy bugged by Davian to play WoW, but RL > Games =p haha.

Long 2 hour service, but at least i got to catch up with some old friends, yeahh.

Mmm. though we didnt talk much today, nor joke, bleahh, Hope things will turn out for the better ! Moo !

The little girl in the statue is for you, thought it was so cute and lovely, Just like you ! Hmm, Hope to see you tml, and hope to see myself tml also, roar. I need to ask you those Few words sooner or later, haha, i keep getting tongue tied and surrounded by our friends. Bahh !

2007-03-28T07:42:00.000-07:00

" They gonna clean up your looks, with all the Lies and the Books "

Teenagers . Roar.

Ha, today was fun, because i brought my Nerdy looking play specs to school, and it caused a few good laughs. Haha.

After school, tried to avoid the rain, but yeah, we failed, got drenched, I was wet, Smelly and hot all at once.

Mmm, on reaching home, we ranted, talked and had fun, yet i do admit you scared me for a good five minutes.

Thanks for clarifying and making my doubts and fears disappear ( instead of me ) .
It made me feel so much better ! MOO !

Blahh, Found out my Aunt was pregnant again, with TWINS . omg. She already has 2 little ruffians for sons aged 7 and 5 and hopefully not another 2 boys. haha.

Went for Dinner to Celebrate the good news tonight at Taka, went to Crystal Jade-Kitchen, the Korean one on the 4th floor, was really nice, good food and tons of meat. Yumm.

Well, i was just on the phone with my brother in Germany, he called just to so called B*tc* at me bout what i need to Improve my life, blahh, blahh, Seriously Curt, if you're gonna always call and lecture me, id rather u save the money. Pfft.

Really full now, silly Korean food. Roar.

I dont want you to Disappear, nor would I want to. Let this work again, let the magic we once felt come back if there was ever any.
Let me feel how it is to love again . =) Cause i think i like you too. mmm.

2007-03-27T06:19:00.000-07:00

" Its a crime, you let it happen to me, never mind, ill let it happen to you. "

Quoted from the best song ive heard so far Forget it-Breaking Benjamin

Hmm, wad an interesting day.

Was late for school. ahhh. i broke my record =(

And i saw ya from a distance, the memories, all cam flooding back, yet i know its over and moving on is the way to imrpove things, but ill still get you your Vodka yeahh ? ( when youre 18 ! haha )

Well, was so hot, sweaty and sleepy today, and i gave myself two slaps on each cheek to wake up, haha, surprisingly i did wake up.

Interesting question Mr.Subra asked us to tell the class what you would do if you won 3 Million dollars in Toto ?

I said id put it all in the bank and live normally, like a bum ~ And just live of the interest. =)

Haha, well, had fun going to SP today with her, get the registration done, and she had to Disapeer for a while cause i guess i couldnt go in the room =(

Read Macbeth abit and was again fascinated by the intense english language, haha, Chim ~

Came out, then we went home i guess. Casuarina Road has nice prata eh Howen ? Come back soon jeah ? =D

Though it seems fast, i guess i really am enjoying time with you, no matter how simple it is by just sitting around and talking, haha, You're making me smile inside again. *Smiles at Msn ! haha.

2007-03-26T06:10:00.000-07:00

" Rain, Rain, Go away, come again another day, All the World is waiting for the Sun "

Blahh, wad a great day ~ phew *

Woke up at 5.30am, nice weather and figured i had a lot of time on my hands, i went back to bed when i was already like prepared for school, changed and all.

1h20mins later ..

Woke up, bahh, gonna be late for school, silly me in going back to bed, on looking outside, Thunder, lightning and a heavy downpour accompanied by it. Sigh, Wad a turn of events.

Got my umbrella, then slopped to school with my soggy shoes. blahh.

Wont mention bout school because it was lame =X

Came back, talked to her about our own problems, blahh, to think we both Beam and shine on the outside and yet we are so different inside ( :[ )

Well, nothing much happened other than that, bahh ! Till tml.

I've said a prayer, hoping all this will turn out right for you in the end, so that we can be happy again, i WANT to see you through this, I Really do, mm. Hug's, Hearts and lovee. =) have a good night .-

2007-03-25T08:47:00.000-07:00

" ill be waiting in line, for the girl at the end of it " super Cheesy ( cheese Dalo, Cheese Dale )

60th post ! roar.

Anyway, got so much to say, yet it cant come out . *Yodelleuigh .

Hyper, not sleepy, but mom can be lurking around any corner, well *shrug

Im here for you you know ? hmmm, its funny how this become such a weird attraction, yeah, we both feel that wayy, yet we dont know why , bahh ! Moo !

Good old days.- Hope they are as good as i remember them.

Gnite that special someone ! =) Moo !

2007-03-24T20:23:00.000-07:00

"You are the antidote that gets me by, something strong like a drug that gets me highh "

23rd March.

My birthday, haha, thanks to all those that came and wished me, to those that didn't, ( thanks for the memory ) haha.

Went to watch Mr.Bean's holiday, it was so bad, man, $9.50 was so not worth it. Blahh.

Went to Al'amien at Bukit Timah for supper, yummy food and Tom Yam soup with Curry ( no pork ! )

Pool, lan, at more cue sticks up your a*s and hitting your n*ts .

What a day, but wait..

24th March

Reached home from lan at 7 am, slept for 3 hours, before waking up to washup and get ready to go to Cine.

Went to Subway to meet them, waited for a while before they all came, blahh, so much for being early huh ?

Watched Stomp The Yard at 3.15pm, really good show, and the moves were all dam nice, i suggest watching it, its a lot like Step up, but I can say its a lot better.

oo. we also saw Johnny Depp ( Pirates Trailer ) ha, hes coming in 2 months alright ? haha.

After the show, we went waking around Taka then went to the food court, mm, your beef noodles looked good while my Subway Cheese steak was so messy, roar.

Then, we went stoning and talked about things, was really nice, and i loved the commercials ( the boyfriend trousers ) ha.

It was really nice to spend that time with you, mm, thanks for making it happen too =)

Went home around 8 to find my dad's work partner at home, blahh, had to dress up a bit more formally then had a sit down dinner with them, was nice, yet i felt really tired.

My brothers friends came over to wish me Happy Belated Birthday, and gave me a whole tub of "Triple Chocolate Ice Cream" Mmmm!

After they left, my other friends came over to watch soccer, but unfortunately, while we were stoning in my room drinking Carlsburg, i fell asleep. Blahh.

Anyway, i just woke up, and had to compile the 2 days worth of blogging, so yupp.

I dont know what the future holds to my life, hope its good, not too bad, just liveable. haha. ill be a bum then =)

But at this moment, you already distant away from me, how are we to be friends when its all said and done ?

And if you wanted to know, yes, i did enjoy our time together as a couple, and i did cherish those moments we had, i just still dont understand why we have broken up in the first place *shrugs its me i guess.

But i have moved on already, and if u dont want me in your memory, its fine.

And to that special someone i feel for now, i hope these feelings are true, and that yours for me are too, i really would love to see where this would go.

Well, after this long post, i feel somewhat different ( esp, with Gorillaz music blsting in my ear )

My resolution, Be a better guy/friend/boyfriend ? blahh. i dunno =p haha, but definetly a better person . This cant be the end .-

2007-03-22T17:19:00.000-07:00

" Happy Birthday ! =( "

Roar, In Chinese Class now with the computer, lol.

Sadly it seems so many have forgotten, or they just pretending to get me later after school. haha.

Thanks for remembering and to all the sms'es ! You make my dayy ! MOO !

Fugg, hope later is fun, roar !

I cant WAIT for tml ! Make my day =)

2007-03-22T07:51:00.000-07:00

"Breathe"

Bwahaha, what a fun day, more fun in the form of friends in school, Adam is like my best budd when having fun, so is Ben. Cheers to you both ! haha.

Rushed home, hoping to catch a glimpse of you at 3, oh my, when i heard ya lost your wallet =(
Luckily God was there i guess, mmm.

Cant help but feel if you're alright, well, we all go through crappy situations in life, but we'll always find a way out, a light.

Island Creamery beats Icekimo all the way home ` i Remember going there to eat Teh Tarik and Horlicks, So so good, but Wild Cherry And Very Berry were Great combinations. Yayy !

Crunchy, Sweet and sour and the weather was so hot ( just like us ! haha. )

Mm, The funniest thing was that, I got us so called " Lost " in less than 1/2 and hour, haha, didnt know you were beat and still we walked ~ oh my, hope you're not sleepy now. ahh.

About those "weird" Questions. haha, i should be the one asking those, but its alright yupp ? I am weird myself, and gonna be another year weirder in 2 hours, mmm. Anyway.

I do, I wait, I'll be the best if ya let me do so ! haha, my best is not enough to so many, but Bahh, the Aries calls. mmm.

Have a good night, and i hope my wish i blow out on my candle tml is granted. Haha, *wink *smile *Groggle * Laugh ! Lol. im getting out of hand again. *Roar !

2007-03-21T08:27:00.000-07:00

Wa. I forgot to copy the blog and it got erased, muahaha.

Well, again, pretty fun day, everyone going for the sports day, bleah,

my leg feels like a million bucks too, thank god ( any bidders ? )
Macbeth is getting interesting i must say, cmon Lit ! haha.

And going out today was fun too, rawr, looking forward to it more often.

And then again, im so looking forward to tml and the day after *wink . ( oh no, be gentle guys :D )

Anyway, ill see ya tml =p roar !

lets walk around the whole Singapore till its dark and we're both so so tired. haha. :p just me and my mad ideas, =)

Sleep is guud, haha, night !

2007-03-20T08:34:00.000-07:00

"I cant be held responsible, this all seems so new to me- "

Haha, i like that Phrase, well,

Went to school, got labelled " Crippled White man " haha, and also watched Men of Honour During Math Class, teacher wanted to show us racism at its lowest ( got called dumb white man by my Cheena Friend, haha ! xD )

Anyway, went out, ate Subway and walked around AMK Hub, was pretty nice though its still coming up.

Well, got home and did SS ( its funn ! ) and its almostt done, except i need some refrence for structured. blahh.

Played some fun fun games on msn messanger, haha, i won ! ( lucky me =X ) and still playing them now, roar !

Guess its gonna be a fun week, cant imagine what horrors await me Friday ! Ek ! Enohc be gentle with me yess ? =P

i think, i like you AGAIN ! :D

haha, maybe im just dreaming AGAIN /!! Peace !

2007-03-19T05:57:00.000-07:00

This song seems to explain it all - yet not entirely =)

Everythings so blurry
and everyones so fake
everybodys empty
and everything is so messed up
preoccupied without you
I cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you
I stumble and I crawl
& you could be my someone
you can be my scene
you know that Ill protect you
from all of the obscene
I wonder what your doing
imagine where you are
theres oceans in between us
but thats not very far

(Chorus)

can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well you shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me
can you take it all away
can you take it all away
well you shoved it in my face
this pain you gave to me

everyone is changing
theres no one left thats real
make up your own ending
and let me know just how you feel
cause I am lost without you
I cannot live at all
my whole world surrounds you
I stumble then I crawl
you could be my someone
you can be my scene
you know that I will save you
from all of the unclean
I wonder what your doing
I wonder where you are
theres oceans in between us
but thats not very far

(Chorus)

Can you take it all away
Can you take it all away
well you shoved it in my face
the pain you gave to me
Nobody told me what you thought
nobody told me what to say
everyone showed you where to turn
showed you when to run away
nobody showed you where to hide
nobody told you what to say
everyone showed you where to turn
showed you when to run away

(Chorus)

Can you take it all away
can you take it all away
can you take away the pain
the pain you gave to me
this pain you gave to me

Anyway, yeap. Went to the docs again, Found out I tore my ligament on my right ankle, Sigh.
Hurts a lot, Dumb 16 year olds and Soccer, what are they thinking. Haha.

Had a good chat today, Yayy, hope you'll get better, he doesn't deserve you if he does those things to you =(

Anyway, school again tml, blahh.- hope no one kicks my cast . haha .

2007-03-18T12:07:00.000-07:00

"Every planet we reach is Dead "

A boring Sunday i can call it, ha.

Church, sleep, msn. blahh.-

Had guests over tonite, and had to dress all formal, in my own home, yes:(
Haha, ate, sat around, talked, joked, blahh, sense of humour seems dry .

Got packed for school, back to more sleeping/fooling around, yet i feel a change is needed, Watch out world, here i comee - :P

"I dont want the world to see me, cause I dont think they'd understand "

I know what you're going through, I feel that way too, Just come to me and we'll support each other through this =)

My heart is yours, hope yours is mine <3>!

Shleeepp - zZ.

2007-03-17T08:12:00.000-07:00

" Dont get lost in Heaven, they got locks at the gates, heyy - dont go over the edge, you'd make a big mistake "

16th March .-

Went to meet them at Bishan for some outing with Damien, Andrew, Alessa, Adam, Gareth, Tarcia. Went to Tarcia's house to hang out cause we took 1/2 an hour to decide what to do, Watched Constantine, Lost 28 $ on blackjack in 3 plays ( mind u, banker was me, leading with my capital with 14 $ )

Battleships, Damian won by tons of luck, Adam like, hadnt hit 1 ship in like 20 shots in a row. Haha. Played Bluff many times, goof fun.

Then we went out for Prata - Yummy, White sauce's origin -> Unknown =X

Went to Peirce Reservoir afterwhich, sat around and just slacked there.

Went to Panda's House to sleep cause was far away from home. haha.

17th March, Today -.-

Slept for an hour before waking up in Panda's house, ha, was told i slept-talked. " pointing at the wall and saying," Just Slap her"

Thought was funny yet, i dont remember my dream, Gladly.

Went for Lenten Vigil. at 12pm - 9pm, Funn to see everyone, yet was stinky and smelly cause I had no change of clothes when i went over. haha. No wonder no one anted me =((

was a good prayer session, feel a lot more self-controlled. bah -.

As much as i hate to say it, Why do you shine so bright in my dark times ? A sign ?

I dunno what i feel anymore, all im waiting for is you, just let me know and ill be happy =)

Wad a day blahh -

G.nite .

2007-03-15T10:49:00.000-07:00

" Such A Lonely Day ~ And Its Mine , The Most Lonliest Day Of My Lifeee ~ "

Yup, so boring today, woke, up, stared at my com, chatted for a bit, and thankfully ya kept me entertained =D

other than tat, stoned around, took my sis swimming, read a bit of my Lit. text, then was supposed to meet the rest for an outing, but got canceled . ~

Mum continues to nag bout work etc ~ And how ironic when my bro's poly results came in, and my mum was shoving it in my face showing me how well he did. blahh -

I hate being controlled, i really do, or told what to do, i know how to manage myself, im 17 this year ffs . =(

oh well. its over. * EDIT

G nite ~ Sleep tight my Friend ~

"How Is It Possible To Never Tell This World, When In Reality Im Getting Away With Murder"

2007-03-14T10:47:00.000-07:00

"BomB SquaD"

Hmm, the fun we had in Genting, wish could get another shot at it =D

Anyway, woke up in pain again ( and a cat at my tummy ) checked my ankle, felt better yet still hurt, the brace is helping though.

As the day crawled by, I got coaxed out for dinner with friends near Howens house, Casuarina Curry , Good prata, i remember the time when me Howen, khalid, Panda Thoosh, Fiz and me went there and we only paid for drinks when we ordered a whole ton of food ( Tsk Tsk Panda, Order So much )

Was good fun, Gossips Gossips. Blah. Then Went to Ice Kimo To stone while eating ice cream.

Just got back also, ankle feels a load better, Poor Damian and his neck, hope it gets better =D

Off to bed, its like, Already Thursday, Dam Time flies ~ Night World.

not again . i got locked at the gates, where is the key .

2007-03-12T08:51:00.000-07:00

Wad a Lucky Lucky day *wink =(

Woke up, remembered i had soccer at Wilfreds from 3-5. got ready then set off ( was late )

On reaching bishn MRT, called Damien up, he sounded dam pissed .

Because 4 players Humchi away cause we were challenging some people . lol.
Anyhow, we got some friends by and played, and again with the Lucky day.

I had possesion la, and before i knew it, i was on the floor, in pain clutching my right ankle.

He went for a slide, then clamped his legs around my ankle, then the force knocked me down, while my foot was still stationary to the ground, sooo, it got twisted pretty badly.

dam ~~~~~~ my holidays have just started ! =(

Phone died, again luck,

Kfc i got scolded by one random guy cause i was walking funny and bang into him when he didnt realize i was limping, Luck ~

Got Spotted by the Eng Wah Crew that we were sneaking into the show "300" instead of Hannibal Rising ( Gong Li ! ) Luck ~

Well, at least we got to watch the show, really good, ima go Download it =)

Went home, saw Shermie Seng with ****** ! Oh my. then gonna get whack by him on my Bd xD Luck ~

All im left with is a swollen ankle, an Icepack, and this .. Enjoy the memories Guys ! =D

=D Punda !

thanks again, glad to know there are nice people on this earth ! =)

2007-03-11T21:05:00.000-07:00

"Have No Honour, Freedom, Salvation"

Just back from church camp, 2 days of praying is fun *wink =(

Anyway, i got prayed over during camp, cause the coordinater felt that me, Ben, Darrel and Xavier needed =P

Came back home after, played Wow, Did Karazhan for the first time and downed the first boss in first attempt. wad luck .
Well, just woke up, showered and getting ready to go play soccer at St.Wilfred's with budds, should be fun(hope)

Thanks again for the fun =) im here for you if you need a studying buddy !

Ooh." Say It Right "

ciao

2007-03-09T08:25:00.000-08:00

"Goodbye Fred ~ "

Ed just flew off to Germany for 10 days with thw school, me thoosh and panda went to see him off ( shame the rest didnt come )

We finaly lost our IRC winning spree today, got owned by Sandking and enigma combo =( and partly because my bloodseeker couldnt kill those fags in the 2nd game =(

I will play better, haha. Treant ftw ! .

Anyway, PPR back today, i did like shit, ha, and how ironic im giving some of my friends advice on their future, zz.

Anyway, 1 week break now to buck up and catch up, sigh.

Yet another week with you ! <3>

Church camp tml, its gonna be fun =D ciao for now .

bye

2007-03-08T07:22:00.000-08:00

Happy Birthday Sherman! ( not Kenny Roger )

Not an eventful day i guess, kinda boring like always.

Slept through physics and maths combo yet again, can stand my unattetion attractig teachers, lol.

How ironically, my science aint tat good, yet i still sleep. ha, good job.

anyway, its Friday tml, weekend and 1 week holiday is here ( yay ? ) a chance to catch up on some sleep.

Eddie is flying to Germany with the School tml, hope he has a good time like we did in India, haha, get some beer and Chicks ya ?

sleepy , Ciao.

" Wo yao Niu Nai " quoted from anonymous ;D

Genting Getaway ~

2007-03-06T07:58:00.000-08:00

"Smack That, Get On The Floor "

Too much fun too describe omg omg.

basically, imagine 13 guys, 3 days, 2 nights, 3 hotel rooms, and a whole lot of crazy fun =

panda, thoosh, noch, chia, kevin, sherman, crashley, dalo, frEddie, khalid, bai liang, fizzo, justits engaging in "rubber" babies, lots of "free" gifts and whole load of zhuosuay ~

The theme park was insane, blah. pictures/videos uploaded another day, and will elaborate more on that tml, i got school tml, especially i already missed Monday and tuesday. ( Fug )

. Gnite world !

How I wish ya came along, I missed you ! =(

Buang Yang Heng Boom

2007-03-02T07:00:00.000-08:00

A little poem before i sleep

Panda's trip is all set and done
Anxiously waiting we have come
Negligent of morales and friendships past
Dealing with pain and tao poks blast
And nows the time to let it all unravel

Dented he will be just as we were
Ironically though i've come to say
Evil lies near so i must lay
Since we are all in this together, let us not falt though neigh ~

a poem: by Justin xD

No offence taken hopefully, just felt bored =) anyway.

To all S.W.A.Ties , Have fun with life and i hope to see you guys at each other Weddings ! ( no funny stuff there yups xD )

Cheers to to Howen and his trip in Tie1 and to panda,

~" You Better Watch Out , You Better Not Cry, You Better Not Pout Im Telling You Why,

~~~The S.W.A.Ties Are Coming, To Genting~~~ "~

With Love and regards to my lovely Lady out there =) . <3 !

Good nite World !

2007-02-25T06:08:00.000-08:00

"As Buang as Buang Heng "

ha. new atonym.

anyway, not been blogging in a bit, kinda lazy, oh well.

at least we got everything all settled out huh ?

anyway, lazy again, Good night world, School tml . *sigh

Hey, Gentings in a weeks time ! not too shabby. cheers to all.

fun fun fun with panda liang noch fizzotto !

2007-02-22T08:23:00.000-08:00

"Goodbye ? "

Sigh, is it already that my Brother, My friend, My Lover, they all seem to be gone already.

Curt, take care man, i dont know how but, i really wanted to cry, but the tears dont show. it only makes me weak to be seen that way.

Fuck, the words cant come out.

" as i said before, if you really feel im not commited, dont take any initiative, and always feel that i force you .... well, i dont wana force anything this time but, i guess we gotta go our seperate ways. "

" Goodbye my Lover, Goodbye my Friend, You have been the One, You have been the One for Me. "

* wrists get slit and the blood spills all over the altar.

2007-02-21T05:00:00.000-08:00

"Sit tight "

Its been a holidaying week i must say, Saturday - Tuesday, ( I love new year ) So im really really well rested.

Though I am actually part Chinese, i still get Ang Pao.

Sadly, my Bro is leaving tml ! omg, for 6 months, shit man, im gonna like miss him.

Anyway. Ash Wednesday today, ( No food . -.- ) oh well.

anyway, im tired, need to sleep off my hunger, cheers.

do you really want to push me away ? You say i dont respect you, but if i dont make a move, we wont be able to hold onto this ...

2007-02-17T15:56:00.000-08:00

" If I Could be Free ~ "

I Guess, Yesterday seemed significant enough to blog about i guess, other than that, its just soccer, goofing about, lan and more crazy fun.

Why after all this ? I still havent changed who I really am inside , shit, i feel ashamed, stupid.

Yet ill be missing my brother in a few days for 6 months, and yes Thoosh, you're right, there will be no one there to stop me/protect me from who I really am.

Anyway, To Hao Yi, sorry that my replies take forever, I keep afking~ with Dota, WoW, haha, you're stil one of the best buds i have ever had,

To Eddie, thanks for being such a great friend at times, though you dont show it, appreciate about how you helped yesterday.

Thoosh, you're aweome, it made so much sense to me yesterday, now is the time i do my best to prove everyone wrong, thanks again,

Curtis, The Best Brother in the world, even though i've been a bitch to you at times, i cant say that i dont mean it because its already been said and done, and yet, im sorry, and i hope the 6 months we are apart doesnt change anything between us. Hope the 6 months where im alone helps to build my character up, and make you more successful than everyone else in this family.

With this all said and done, its time for me to shape up and give myself a good kick in the ass, thanks to all my other friends/family ive failed to mention, as i feel its time i thanked those in life that i have failed to be appreciative off and to show how i cared.

To all those i have missed out in helping to shape my life , i still remember you in my heart, yet, words cant seem to describe you guys i guess.

Lastly, thank God for what he has done in order for me to actaully sit back and reflect on all this.

Cheers. *bow

-its really just me .

2007-02-14T07:08:00.000-08:00

HAPPY VALENTINES DAY !

Well, to start, i had a great time with Hong yap, Tracy , Carol, Who gave me sweets ! yum yum.

Then i got a ( Ham, melted Cheese, lettuce, tomato and PEANUT BUTTER ) Sandwich, Amanda was the Chef, yet i did not care for the PEANUT BUTTER ! xD

Anyway, kinda fun. had chocolate dipped-Strawberries, which were like so romantic to Feed one another.

Got a belt from someone which i will fail to mention xD, its very nice ! and also got MORE sweets and Chocs, i love being a guy sometimes, ha.

Anyway, to all those who did not enjoy your day, IM HERE ! ILL BE YOUR VALENTINE !!

heh, kinda high, cause so tired, yet still went to meet the guys for soccer, Ashley is at it again, now both my legs are marked by his foot. ( ow ow ! )

Anyway, time for me to turn in, good night world, and remember , " Everyday Is Valentines Day ! " Quote from Oehleurs, ( she has gotta be my favorite teacher now ) (:

/Sign

Thanks for that wonderful day !! I love you !

2007-02-11T07:42:00.000-08:00

"Do what you want to do in life, Dont be swayed by anything, anyone that would prevent you from making your decision, do what YOU want to do, cause if you follow what others think and want, you will never be happy"

Quoted from my brother, and for all to read. Its to help one decide his/her Future.

Anyway, its late. Good night

i cant help but feel hurt over what you said, and I feel so confused and disorientated, I dunno anymore.

2007-02-09T19:55:00.000-08:00

Sweet Sweet Jesus.

After Seeing the atmosphere of results, after enduring the pain of seeing yet another year in this school, after enduring all the pain a White must feel, I still have to go over yet another boulder in my path towards a great life.

"Limp till the day i find myself" Contradictive huh ?

Anyway, enough of the emo hate thats going around, to the results.

everyone i knew did considerably well man, how i wish i was out of this school right now and also

Out of your life

Blah,

feelings change only when given a chance to. Well, Heres your chance to do so.

All i ask is that if it were to happen, dont go crying and moaning and make your life miserable because of me.

Its like talking to a brick wall with a mouth that only talks when it feels provoked.

And again, good luck to all my mates going into Poly/Jc, will miss you guys.

2007-02-07T05:05:00.000-08:00

Yup was out at lan with Black, Freddi, CrAshley, Roshan and Emo , really fun.

Imagine Pudge Shwtf mode =p really fun haha.

Well, results on Friday, Good luck all, Hope NONE of you joins me and Freddi. oh well.

/Sign

2007-02-06T06:19:00.000-08:00

Well, I've had lets say a few amazing bunch of people talk to me during these few weeks.

Yes, First of all, Mr.Subra.

He talked to me about a lot of things, my life, my family, my Education, my character.

Soul-searching is what I need now, im feeling a lot more mature some how in my mentality, well not always i guess.

2nd. My Long-Lost Twin,

We talked today bout the usual, backstabbings, life, success, resuslts and my failures, thanks i really needed that, I mean, water skins do burst if they are over-filled with water.

3rdly yet surprisingly, Mrs. Oehleurs,

Shes an amazng teacher although ive only known her for 1 month, she seems like the most down-to-earth teacher on this earth, so practical, full of knowledge and yet can relate very well to problems that one has.

4th and not last, myself.

Since when do people talk to themselves and question their own existance and character, well. i guess i have,

The never-ending decay for my hate of school continues, yet I have to go through it with a fixated fake smile and hope for the best. God help me.

O's are in what ? 7 months ? and yet, i feel stress-free, which kinda sucks.

The reason i am to blog today, well, to let out all this bad air and pressure in y body, it just sucks to feel this way again. it sucks.

" Lord Jesus, Forgive us our sins, Save us from the fires of Hell, lead all souls to heaven especially those that are in most dire need of your name "

This is my prayer, and this is my sign of hope, help me God, Help me now.

/Sign

p.s if i were not to blog tml or another day, let me die a horrible death. this blog is strength that i have never had.

2007-02-03T06:27:00.000-08:00

DEAD DEAD DEAD.

Dam it, im just too lazy, Too much WoW is bad for the brain.

Anyway. had great times in school, pranks, etc etc.

The soccer match was amazing on Wednesday, haha.

Then the most screwed up thing had to happen,

Dam Thaipusam ( however you spell it) me and crASHLEY walked bout 800m to next busstoop, then i missed 2 busses.
Got onto the last bus, but had to fall asleep.

TO .. Jurong ! Halleluigh ! Cab Fair of 15 $ =p

Anyways, other than that, my weeks been peachy, got 19/30 for my test which sucks . oh well.

O's coming too, bttr buck up. Cheers all, ima Sleepy head again .

/Sign

Your Memory Will Carry on ~~

2007-01-25T03:09:00.000-08:00

Well, Here I am after a week of not blogging. Tired and LAZY tats all.

Well, things have been great, I mean, i got to talk to Haoyi, and also a couple of people i didnt keep in touch with for a while , Ling, Twin, Ben and the rest. it feels great to catch up.

Today was crazy, had some talk from 8am - 5pm. Motivational talk for the class.

Though, I cant help but say that it helped, I mean, it really made me stop my Yapping and fooling around and made me listen.

Basically, they gave all of us a Personality test, and when the results came back, oh my, It was all true.

They say im what ?

be more open to changes, more direst, focus on overall goals, deal with confrontation constructively, talk less and listen more, express more feelings, control my actions and not go overboard and concentrate on whatever your doing, dont fall prey to distraction.

Dam, i felt ashamed when a test could actually spell out my entire meaning, was just scary.

Anyway, I did stay back for a reason, and, I did get this second chance for a reason as well.

So, I guess, its Full steam ahead for my goals, Im already 17 in 2 months, might as well act like one.

"Isn't this exactly where you want me, Im exactly where you want me no, pray for love in this lap dance. "

Will post some pics from the states soon, just lazy again =P

/Sign

2007-01-18T16:16:00.000-08:00

Tired Tired Tired

anyway. school's a drag without the S.W.A.T guys around, and i'm starting to dead it basically.
In the library now, apparently can use the computers during Chinese. yea.

Cant believe its happening, friends are starting to part as lack of contact, yet, it cant be helped.

Anyway. im just here to let all know la. dam tired and sian of it all.

How i wish things were never this way, and i was out now working with the bunch of you fags =X

Oh well, with all that said, I hope at least we all get to go out and hav fun again. one day =) Cheers anyway.

And to those in Jc, GL, HF !

/Sign

2007-01-14T04:56:00.000-08:00

Yup, blogs been dead as since going back to school. it seems insane, hmm.

Guess I gotta upload my pictures from when we went hiking in the states, would love to but, slight bit of laziness on my part. hmm,

Anyway, School is a drag man, with everyone gone ~~ and yet, you feel as if you were to be on par with everyone else.

Sigh, lifes not been kind to me at all since I came to existence, not one good spark of fire lit up my life sad to say.

Not even thinking postive would help this I guess, I've always been on natural low due to these things that happen, even right now as im blogging, my mum wouldn't fail to start an arguement with my dad over some small matter as to what my sister had for dinner, anyway ..

Id really wish things would be right again, Even when you are here, it still feels as if I should reflect to the lyrics of this song, its been a great companion to me ever since I heard it . =) anyway. enjoy .

" Justin hopes things are for the better and not heading down into the gulch where everything just wastes away, forgotten, forsaken and being a minority "

LONELY DAY

Such a lonely day
And it's mine
The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day
Should be banned
It's a day that I can't stand

The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day
Shouldn't exist
It's a day that
I'll never miss

Such a lonely day
And it's mine
The most loneliest day of my life

And if you go
I wanna go with you
And if you die
I wanna die with you

Take your hand
And walk away

The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life
The most loneliest day of my life

Such a lonely day
And it's mine
It's a day that I'm glad I survived

Basically, all is said here, and all that is left unsaid.

Bye for now, not sure when I would be able to get back here, but again.

Howen, make the right decision man, cause like, when i went to the States aimless, I felt as if i screwed up 5 months of my life there even though it was a good break, look where I am now.
So make the right choice buddy, its your future.

Cheers and take care of yourselves everybody

" I'm Just Sitting In My Car Waiting For My.. Girl "

2007-01-03T09:58:00.000-08:00

This song I heard Many many times on the plane cause it was so amazing and yet has a lot of meaning. Enjoy !

Prison gates won’t open up for me
On these hands and knees I’m crawlin’
Oh, I reach for you
Well I’m terrified of these four walls
These iron bars can’t hold my soul in
All I need is you
Come please I’m callin’
And oh I scream for you
Hurry I’m fallin’

Show me what it’s likeTo be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I’ll show you what I can be
Say it for me Say it to me
And I’ll leave this life behind me
Say it if it’s worth saving me

Heaven’s gates won’t open up for me
With these broken wings I’m fallin’
And all I see is you
These city walls ain’t got no love for me
I’m on the ledge of the eighteenth story
And oh I scream for youC
ome please I’m callin’
And all I need from you
Hurry I’m fallin’

Show me what it’s likeTo be the last one standing
And teach me wrong from right
And I’ll show you what I can be
Say it for me Say it to me
And I’ll leave this life behind me
Say it if it’s worth saving me

Hurry I’m fallin’

/Sign

2007-01-01T00:17:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year.

The New Year Celebration show was cool, people making out in Times Square while horny camera men continued to film . xD

Anyway, arriving on Wednesday, 00.03 am . Plus got school on the same day, Probably not going anyway.

Well, ill see all the siao kia when I get back I guess, talk to you guys then . super tired.

/Sign

2006-12-30T06:03:00.000-08:00

GUESS WHAT !

I was off enjoying my day-off with my brother at the lan shop ( Weee ) , when my dads helper comes walking in saying that they needed more help ..

So.. we just bummed our day-off to work overtime basically. trust me, it sucks.
Even today, Saturday, " This is the last day I need you two to wrk ok ? " Quote from dad.

ZZZZZ. gimme a break. At least after today, I can go do some last minute-shopping and go to the LAN place the whole night ~~

Anyway, my dads helper is coming to pick us up in 20 min, so i just thought id write this now, btw, its 7.03 am ^_^

lol. this blog post sounds funny, I think im too stressed to still be on holiday . haha.

Cheers and Lost of love, Cant wait to get back .

/Sign

2006-12-29T06:05:00.000-08:00

My Day Off is today ! . Yay ! Finaly I deserve it, haha.

Been working too much i guess, not that I choose too, My silly Dads Idea.
But looking on the bright side, my last work day is this Saturday, then ill be Home Free, then i gotta pack for Singapore.

Yup, I'm Flying on Monday Morning and Arriving On Wednesday Morning 00.03 . Guess no one can pick me up yet again =(
And I would have school on the same day X.X wad a way to start the New Year xD

Anyway, I wana go get rdy, Day Off's Are kinda important you know. =P

Ill post more when im not lazy . haha .

Cheers. =)

Cant wait to see you !

/Sign

2006-12-26T08:19:00.000-08:00

Lol. almost forgot,

Went mountain climbing yesterday, so fun & tiring. my brother and my dads friend and wife took almost another half an hour to hit the summit while me and my dad still fit as a fiddle. lol.

Then we went for Christmas dinner with Turkey, Steak, Noodles, Sticky Rice And Mashed potatoes. Mmm. so good.

Haha, tats all. cheers.

/Sign

2006-12-26T08:13:00.000-08:00

Boxing Day ! ( Supposedly an American holiday X.X )

But, Nonetheless, still a day to get off work.

Mmm. its about a week before I touch back down in Singapore to see all my budds in Sch/Working and family, Cant wait as its so freezing cold here, man, Temp was like 10 degrees .

Wearing three layers of shirts now just to keep warm and my trusty torn jeans that ive had for a year now. Haha.

Still no chance to go shopping, guess I may have to do so in Singapore. lol.

Anyawys, i think ill go back to bed hoping for the weather to change and, I'll see the rest of you guys soon ! =) Cheers.

/Sign

P.s I dont know whats going on anymore, and I feel so different in this new space.
Help me to get back into reality, then all will be well.

2006-12-24T08:12:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas !

but not so merry without you with me =( well.

Dunno how my mates are doing in Singapore, them and their silly jokes, sanzambak ? =X

mm . anyway. just got off work, like, 26 hours in 2 days is so not fun. ima hit the sack then, cheers.

Merry Christmas to one and all .

/Sign HoHoHo

2006-12-22T22:09:00.000-08:00

14 Hours of work, and with about 6 hours of sleep after posting this =X

Sucks la, spending my holiday working my ass off, been having working days since Tuesday. Haha. its so God dam fun ( note: Sarcasm )

Anyway. I need to go shopping, need to buy my buddies gifts. nite for now. A lot to blog about tml anyways.

Been thinking too much about you, mmm.

/Sign

2006-12-19T06:07:00.000-08:00

Wee~ My brother is here ! Backup !

Cant wait to get back to sg, im bored here. Nothing to entertain me, just this crappy 56k Net, and a Pentium 2 laptop.
How I wish I didn't leave, and be playing com, going out with my buds and you.

Panic! at the disco rocks, just bought ther Cd, listening and listening ~~

/Sign

2006-12-18T13:50:00.000-08:00

woa. wad a week.

Guess what, i got locked out of my house 2 nights ago, just because my dad didnt want to let me in ..

He left me sleeping on a bustop bench because i had NO WHERE TO GO !
I hate my dad because of that, zz.
Anyway, its kinda my fault, long story anyway.

Mm. i dunno anymore, i guess this is a break from you babe, but, i hope i make it back in time . See you in school though !
I love everybody ! HAHAHAHA !

/Sign

2006-12-15T06:47:00.000-08:00

Blah, work sucks.

And being a guy too sucks as well ~~ Having to live with the thought of being there to hold all the burden.
Sigh. I dunno but, I feel yea, what you said was true. guess I'm a hypocrite for saying that if I were to do what I feel and desire.

I would definetly not let this pull me down or affect my overral structure, but i don't know how that will hit you ..

Ending off. Need to think .

/sign

2006-12-14T06:15:00.000-08:00

Candy, Flowers, Perfume, Puppies, Love .

Thats what life has got to offer. All the good stuff, yet, people dont see that life sometimes appears bad for some people.

Work,Irritant Customers, Pungent Smells, Hate .

I came here to have a HOLIDAY, not having to find out i have to sneak on to the Internet when He's asleep, Sigh.

And To have to work on HOLIDAY ? man, that blows. Esp. when u fly thousands of miles just to do so.

Well, hope ill go see Joe, Kevin, Jake, Ryan and Dan today, My American Buds :)

In relation to the topic of the blog, hope everyone on this earth experiences
Candy, Flowers, Perfume, Puppies, Love . and not the usual hate transmitted off those people that dont deserve the right to screw another persons day .

Peace out .

/Sign

2006-12-11T08:18:00.000-08:00

" I've Been locked inside a heart-shaped box, for weeks "

I'm back yes, for now i guess as im in Arizona yet again but only for 3 weeks . heh

I've read your blog yes, dont think i haven't and im not stupid.
You may see me that way dear, but what the hell ? Why judge me that way, you think i dont bother about who you are and what you feel ? You must be joking.

Its sad that you feel that way as i dont, i feel as per normal, well i guess people are more sensitive than others in a way, but come on.
You keep doubting this, I know time has its ways of making us older but why oh why encourage it by bringing up these mixed feelings of what may come ? What if they dont ? What if we continue to Enjoy this fairytale relationship that we are having ?

"Hey, Wait. I've Got A New Complaint, For Every Lie That Fell To The Ground"

I Already told you this is only a rough time and i dont want this to hurt us, but if you do feel you are being under-treated, Be my guest and leave then instead of pulling me Under with you into the deep waters when im trying to keep us afloat.

This is my two cents and its either " Adios " or I will continue to welcome you with Open Arms .

/sign

2006-07-24T01:46:00.000-07:00

Hmm. Yup. Not Been Able To Use The Com Much. So Yeah.

Im Bored With Life. Yet You Keep Me Alive. Ha . Thanks.

Doing Art now. Im Just So Sad Bout Today, Tat Everything Seemed Wrong.

2006-07-12T06:15:00.000-07:00

What A Day ..

man, i dunno what to think anymore.

I Remember The Times When We Used to Be Able To Meet With Each Other And Be Able To Hold You Lovingly In My Arms.
When You Kissed Me And Told Me That You Loved me, I Miss Those Days.
You Cant Imagine How I Feel Now After Today, I Know I May Be Difficult To Comprehend But, Im Not Perfect, Though I Wish I Could Be For You.
I Now Pray To God, Hoping That Things Dont Happen To Us, Hoping That We Can get Out Of This Rough Week That We're Having, Hoping That Ill Come To My Senses As Well. Sigh.

It Seems So Easy, Yet, I Feel That Sometimes I Just Cant Take The Fact That I myself Cause Problems. So There.

I Could Go On And OnYet, I Myself Feel So Sad That Its Become This Way . Please . Please . I Know Your Life Is Stressful Now And I Want To Make it Feel Better . I Just Sometimes Feel That You Sometimes Are Too Playful, And Cross The Line .

Sorry, But Im Now Letting All This Out And I Just Wanted You To Know This.

Man, A*A**A ( You Know Who It Is ) I Love You . And I Want You To Be Happy. At Any Expense Now, Im There -

Bed.-

2006-07-04T06:18:00.000-07:00

Why Do Parents suck ?

I mean come on, they were teenagers before too right ? and still they dont seem to be able to relate to us very well. its so sickening la.

My Day : Slow,Tiring,Boring,Sickening

With Friends acting like childish retards dont help, aggravating you and such, i mean, grow up ! youre 16 this year and still cant afford to change ?

Feelings : Sad,Moody,Somewhat Annoyed At Everything. What A Day.

And its The 4th Of July Too, Independence Day For Americans.

Im Sorry To Put You Through This Too Love, I Mean, I Dont Want You To Be Affected By How I Feel, I Would Love To Simply Just Jump Up And Start Cracking Up And Being Crappy Like Yesterday Than To Feel Like This . It Just Sucks .

How To End Off ? Well, My Day Cant Get Any Worse With You Here Comforting me ? mm. Thanks For All The love And Care You've Shown, Hoping To Brighten Up Your Day Soon As You Have Brightened Mine. =)

These Feelings Build Up, I Feel So Happy.

Ta Ta .

2006-06-30T19:46:00.000-07:00

Mmm. This Is Where It All Began . Ha.
Well, It Just Feels Like Ive Let You Down, And I Know That In Some Way, I Have, And That Im Sorry .

Just Wish That Life Would Not Be So Comlicated For You, And That We Could Go Back To What We Were, Being WIld And Free, Yet Its Not Possible Now.

Every Night, I Go To Sleep Hoping That You'll Be Okay, And That Nothing Would make Your Life More Complicated As It Is Already, And Yet, I Feel That Im Not Doing My Best To Help You.

So I Say To You Now My Love, If You Ever Need Me, Ever Doubt Me, Ever Detest Me, Ever Feel Anything, Tell Me, And Ill Do My Best To Help You Or To Make Things Feel Right.

Ending Off -

2006-06-26T05:15:00.000-07:00

Part.1 !

INSTRUCTIONS:

1. The tagged victim have to come up with eight different points of his/her perfect partner.
2. Have to mention the gender of his/her perfect partner.
3. Tag eight other victims to join this game.
4. Lastly, most importantly, HAVE FUN DOING IT.

GIRL. duh! this is the weirdest of all that I've ever done!
1. Trust !
2. Sweet!
3. Dun Act Like Something Else That You're Not !! =)
4. Loving.
5. Caring.
6. Fun-Loving !!
7. Intimate !! Being Able To Share Feelings .
8. Being All So Hot Hot Hot ! =D . ( To Cover Up My Ugliness . =p )

Part.2 !

Write 6 weird facts/things/habits about yourself.
Then choose the 5 people to do it.the six random facts:

My Cats On My Lap.
Im Gonna Go Eat Now.
My Brothers Fat.
Joels Fat.
Monkeys Are Cool.
Justins A Old Guy With A Declining Hair Line And He Hates Cheese !

I Wan EVERYONE I KNOW TO DO THIS !!

=) Cheers. Lazy Update Blog, Yet All I Can Say Is, Many Things Happened Today, And Yet It May Not Seem So, I Do Love You !! And I Want This To Go On And On And On . Ha. <33

Dinner Time ! Byeee`

The Quiz !! =x

2006-06-23T00:43:00.000-07:00

GO AHEAD !! INDULGE !! =)

Three Names You Go By:
Just Justin Joe ( My Dream Name =p )

Three Parts Of Your Heritage:
MeMyself And I ? =x

Three Things That Scare:
Scary People ? Dying . Losing A Loved One

Three Of Your EveryDay Essentials:
My Food Drink My NehNeh !

Three Things That You Are Wearing Right Now:
My Family Guy Boxers =x A Joker Brand Tee, My Screwed Up Hair !

Three Of Your Favorite Bands At The Moment:
Slipknot Atreyu Avenged Sevenfold

Three Of Your Favorite Songs Of The Moment:
My Sacrifice-Creed
Wait And Bleed-Slipknot
Her Portrait In Black-Atreyu

Three Things You Want In A Relationship(other than love ):
Being Comfortable With Each Other
Trust !
Being Open And Truthful ( Wait, tats 4 things ? =x)

Two Trusths And A Lie:
I Love My NehNeh, ( 1st truth )
I Love My Friends ! ( 2nd )
(Lie , Muhaha ) Im A Girl =)

Three Physical Things About The Opposite Sex That Appeal To You:
Body !
Eyes .
mmm.yea, a decent tan ( not so white =/ )

Three Of Your Favorite Hobbies:
Computer Games ? =x
Fooling Around ( 100 % of the time . )
Eating Tons Of Junk .

Three Things You Want Really Bad Now:
To Sky Dive
Go To A Cool Theme Park
Get An Even Better Com !

Three Places You Want to Go On Vacation:
Hawaii
Bahamas
Arizona ! ( love the people there =x )

Three Things You Want To Do Before You Die:
Get Married . =)
Have Kids Live
A meaningful Life With The Person I Love <3

Three People I Would Like To See Take This Quiz:
Damien,
Daryl
And Anyone Else Thats Interesting And Fun !!

Today . What A Day.

2006-06-19T06:00:00.000-07:00

It started out great, yet, i feel tat just tat one incident ruined it all.

I mean, how can the people you trust do something like that to you ? especially if youve lived with them the past 16 years of your life. man, its sad.

But though i can feel sorry for them, i myself am stuck in a puddle that i cant seem to get out of.

1. I quit my job so that means a lack of money too, more frugal tat means.
2. I just feel like i used to feel before when i was younger, depressed with life
3. I feel like why am i stll here after all the bad things that have happened. all the past images of my faults start flooding back, and i dont like it, not at all.

Im sorry that i have to put you through all of this, but next week onwards maybe very difficult for both of us, yet, ill take my courage and I will wait for you, through thick and thin, i promise you. i wont screw this up , not like before with others, i promise this to you.

i just hope that life dont tear us apart from each other, cause i know God is now just testing us, and well pull ourseves out of this mess in due time.

Hope For the best .

4 Weeks = 28 Days =X

2006-06-16T08:10:00.002-07:00

Yep. Sorry Just now I posted Nothing. =/

Guess theres like only less than 5 reading this ? lol. im sucha a loner =D

ha. dunno what to write la. ears blasted with music, hair all messy body aching in pain. ha. tat about sums my day, tiring and bored.

well, ya made it all great with your attitude, your voice, your care, your fun character, your love ! <3 thanks for everything ! i wouldnt know what i would be if ya din psu hme all the way . ha. hope this lasts for a good time ! i dont wana lose you.

" I dont wana close my eyes, i dont wana fall asleep cause i miss you baby, and i dont wana miss a thing " lyrics by Aerosmith. dedicated to you neh ! =)

Cheers and take loads of care. to all that are reading too ( keep guessing what im talking about =D )

meep.

4 Weeks = 28 Days =X

2006-06-16T08:10:00.001-07:00

4 Weeks = 28 Days =X

2006-06-16T08:10:00.000-07:00

S.N.A.G ( Sissy Nerdy Acne Geek ) or ( Sensitive New Age Guy ) ?

2006-06-15T06:35:00.000-07:00

June 15th , 196 Days left . mmm.

, S.N.A.G ! ( Sissy Nerdy Acne Geek ) ! tats me !

mmm. well, its been awhile. though ive been slacking away at not posting and stuff, going bak to school and stuff for art.
Art, its sad, i havent done much with my project anyways and im so dead.
Soccer Soccer Fever These Days, World Cup and Soccer matches, Great fun, but today i got sunburned and Im HALF TANNED !! =x

Well, i can say tat my weeks been so so great ( thanks to you <3 ) , yea and im thankful tat all these things happened a month ago . ( it was last tuesday =x ) ha. i thank God for bringing me to you and turning my life upside down. ha. well, my minds kinda blocked up right now, cant think of anything else . =p

Cheers. Tag me Or ill steal Your Cheese ! =x

2006-06-09T08:46:00.000-07:00

June 9th , 202 Days left . mmm.

WORLD CUP DAY !!
Oh yeah, after 4 years its back, cant wait !
rooting for England, Argentina,France ! Yea Yea !

mmm. well, today was fun. met Dear at macs and we had breakfast. surprisingly my friends were there too, fooling about. =p
Went to pump the ball, then we played for like 2 hours of slippery soccer, ( fell down thrice )
was fun fun, but in the end my dear couldnt play with the ball. sorry ! =/
Mmm. then we ate KFC and we disturbed Hong Yap, that tubby guy. lol.

Then we ate Chocolates !! Yumm !

Mmm. thanks dear for letting me open up to you. i feel so secure with you and you give me a nice feeling when you're around, i dont want to lose you .

Well, tats all i gott say right now, World Cups Starting soon. Gotta get my snacks .

*Muacks ! Byee !

2006-06-07T09:09:00.000-07:00

Still the June 7th , only 204 days left till the new year . ( just for facts )

mmm. Woke up late today thanks to my phone tat was on silent mode, and it turns out we didnt need to go to school either.
Had A good time watching " Omen " , such a thrilling show, nice sound effects and nice scary stuff ! I wish the boy was my brother, hes cool.

Mmm. Dear had cramps, poor thing, tried my best to make her feel better .
Heh. it all turned out well when we had a little quiet time with each other too. I love it when we face each other and the time we spend . mmm .

I love this feeling you give me, and i hope this lasts a while,
And trust me, my feelings for you wont fade until the inevitable day ..
I just hope it doesnt come so fast.
I want you, yet i feel tat weve still got a long way to go .

I love you dear, always remember tat. =) <3

This is me, signing off. sleep tite Dear .

2006-06-06T09:18:00.000-07:00

Date : 07nd June . only 204 days left till the new year . ( just for facts )

Sigh. I Feel So Awful , Stoned Out Of My mind ..
thanks for doing up my tag board, really appreciate it thoguh i cant help feeling sad and frustrated.

I mean, why does everything have to start happening all at once ? why dont we get a chance to be alone like before. guess its just me and my awkward thinking but, im afraid.
I never wanted to feel so wrong, thinking if ive done something wrong to have this tension build up . i guess its just me again.

Nothing more to say. its late. and im lost. I Dont wana wake up tomorrow.

2006-06-02T08:36:00.000-07:00

Opps, Cant believe I Got The Date On The Last One Wrong =p Woops, Its supposed to be

Date : 02nd June . only 209 days left till the new year . ( just for facts )

2006-06-02T08:25:00.000-07:00

Date : 31st May. only 209 days left till the new year . ( just for facts )

Mmm. Today was actually great cause me and the guys finaly went out to lan, we all have been busy so it really was good fun. We basically crapped all the way la, making fun of my FAT friend Song Heng and stuff, but he didnt mind it ( oo. he hit my back a bit too hard )

Mmm. Yea. after that went to meet dear dear , then we spent an hour together of nice quality time, yea, i love it ! hee. I don't know but, i've never felt this way for a girl before, and its kinda nice, i like it ! Just hope tat everythings alright between us. =)

Hearing " Slipknots - Wait And Bleed " now, that song makes me wana jump and scream , yea , i feel so so happy at where i am now.
Heh. going to church tml to support my dear on the bad competition thingy, dont be nervous k ? im here for you ok dear ? =)

Well, ima kinda sleepy, its 11.31pm right now, and i've got some family breakfast tml anyway, >.> so i guess its time to say .. GOOD NIGHT WORLD !!

// A Love So Tender ( Medium Rare Please ! )

2006-05-31T07:43:00.000-07:00

Date : 31st May. only 211 days left till the new year . ( just for facts )

Mmm. woke up late today, feeling terrible that i've let someone down, but thankfully * wink , it was ok in the end . hee. went to escape theme park after much thought and we rode the rides .

The log ride was my fav. as i could spend time with dear dear and we got WET !! . =) the rest almost made me puke my Korean food out. ( ew )
Bought a big candy floss stick too, which was so so good. mm. then we rode some ride exp, that was so so fun ! also saw blind, trust and the rest today, wad a coincidence !
Heh. today was great as we could spend some quality time together although we're so so busy. mmm. thanks for the love .

Spent some quality time on the beach talking too. had a great time thanks to dear . mm well, its already 10.48 , though i dont want the day to end. i wish we could stay like this for a long long time =) . thanks again and sorry bout me waking up late.

Take loads of care, mm ive got art and work tml . sigh. its life . =/
Yea, i guess we do need time right ? but i can see that everythings going well and thank you. and thanks to all those that comforted her when i let her down k ? cheers . =)

Ending off. time ta sleep. ta ta !